Contrand Sailor Moon

Allison Elizabeth

SCENE 1: In the shoe store

(Two girls with matching lanyards stand in front of a microwave. One of them places a tube of mascara inside.)

ALLi: And you found this hack on tiktok?

KELSi: Yeah and look at how good her lashes are.

ALLi: Are you sure it’s going to work?

KELSi: I wouldn’t be doing it if it wouldn’t.

(KELSi clicks the microwave button. A popping sound begins. A third girl enters holding a box behind her back.)

CASSiDY: ALLi, your eyes!

ALLi: Oh no! Are you going to put a termination letter in my hands.

CASSiDY: Why would I do that?

ALLi: Because I got lemon cookie crumbs all over the sandals when I was putting them away.

KELSi: I knew it was you! CASSiDY said it was me but I told her it was you!

ALLi: If anything it’s building ambiance! Lemon cookie crumbs are probably the same genetic build up as sand anyways.

CASSiDY: I’m going to pretend I didn’t hear that. ALLi, close your eyes!

ALLi: Okay, okay!

(The microwave beeps.)

KELSi: Finally, I can be beautiful!

(KELSi opens the microwave and grabs the mascara. CASSiDY places the box in ALLi’s hands.)

Graphic by Nicole Nguyen

ALLi: O M GOODNESS! Are these?

CASSiDY: Happy early birthday!

KELSi: Whoa, are those-

(KELSi twists the top of her mascara, and it explodes everywhere; including on top of the newly unveiled Sailor Moon collaboration shoes.)

CASSiDY, ALLi, KELSi: AHH!!!

(Music interlude.)

Hello everyone! My name is ALLi, protector of fashion and justice! I am sailor shoe! I work at the JELLi mall pairing the perfect shoes with the right gal to run past any insecurities that our brains like to infect us with!

In the name of the shoe, I’ll punish you.

ALLi: That is enough! How dare you manipulate girls who just want to be beautiful? In the name of the shoe, I’ll punish you.

SCENE 2: The corporate office

(away in an overly-air conditioned carpeted room an overhead light shines on FASTFAZION)

FASTFAZION: My energy… is fading… the mall… with everyone… dressing to impress… 

EMiRALD: I’ve heard rumors of a new shoe collaboration that has got all of the girls screaming.

FASTFAZION: Harvest their energy and bring it back to me.

EMiRALD: Yes, my queen.

SCENE 3: The shoe store and the greater mall

ALLi: And those frilly socks make your ankles look absolutely irresistible, and pairing with our brand new Sailor Moon shoes… wow! I would expect all of the top modeling agencies to call you by tonight. Unless they snatch me up first!

(ALLi kicks up her feet to show off her identical sailor moon collaboration shoes.)

DELiLAH (A COSTUMER): I do love the design on them.

ALLi: WOW! These are the most beautiful shoes I have ever seen. It’s as if they were painted with moonbeams and finished with stardust!

DELiLAH (A COSTUMER): I’ll take a walk and decide on them when I come back.

(ALLi is too distracted by her beautiful shoes to be sad about the lost sale.)

CASSiDY: I’m sorry the box isn’t in pristine condition.

KELSi: Why can’t she just have one of the clean ones from the back?

ALLi: We all must make sacrifice in the name of selling product! You should be glad that I’m buying them because no customer will be willing to buy a box with the face of Sailor Uranus covered in mascara. (Romantic sigh.) She’s so dreamy even without her nose or eyes. 

MELODi: Did you buy those at the new kiosk?

ALLi: AH! MELODi! When I was saying those things about Sailor Uranus I was actually talking about you!

MELODi: Huh? But I have all parts of my face.

ALLi: Um, so, I- wait… new kiosk?

MELODi: Yeah, across from my store.

ALLi: Why would anyone need shoes and pretzels at the same time?

MELODi: You should know the answer to that! You always come by after your shift to eat cinnamon sugar bites.

ALLi: When you add the cream cheese frosting then it’s basically a cinnamon roll!

CANDi (A CUSTOMER): I thought I’d stop in here, but it looks like you’re just trying to copy the kiosk by the pretzel store. 

ALLi: Are you talking about my Sailor Moon collab shoes? These are exclusive to this store!

CANDi: Wow. Plagiarism and lying? How hard is it to sell shoes?

(ALLi’s face turns red. She storms out of her store and down to the new kiosk.)

ALLi: Plagerism? LYING? I’ll show them who’s copying who.

(ALLi arrives at the kiosk. A man in a white and yellow gingham button up and Levi’s is kneeling in front of DELiLAH (A CUSTOMER), slipping the ‘sailor moon collab shoes’ on her foot.)

EMiRALD: Absolutely stunning. These would look wonderful stepping through the food court. 

ALLi: Excuse me sir, why would a lady take her fresh out the box sailor moon collab shoes to a place with meat on a stick? Gravity exists everywhere. Are you planning on anti stain sparging her shoes for free?

EMiRALD: All of our shoes are only sold to the most graceful of women. Now how do you have a pair when only I am cleared to sell these?

ALLi: Um because you’re not? My store released them today.

EMiRALD: That’s funny. Did you check your manager email?

ALLi: That’s KELSi’s job, not mine. I’m only a sale lead.

(KELSi comes running over.)

KELSi: Take off your shoes!

ALLi: I’m not racing your barefoot through the mall again.

KELSi: No girl! I tooooooooootally misread the inbox this morning. We can’t sell your shoes yet!

(ALLi chokes on her words. She takes off her shoes and hands them to KELSi.)

EMiRALD: Please, no more loitering in my business.

SCENE 4: The Food Court

(ALLi grumbles over some comfort teriyaki shrimp and fried rice.)

ALLi: New shoe store? This makes no sense. Wouldn’t management have contacted us first? Something seems fishy.

(ALLi drops a shrimp on her bare foot.)

ALLi: Sigh. At least it wasn’t on my shoes.

(DELiLAH (A CUSTOMER) trips and falls by the free samples lady, toppling her tray and getting teriyaki sauce over her sailor moon collab shoes from the kiosk.)

ALLi: Whoa! DELiLAH (A CUSTOMER), are you okay?

DELiLAH (A CUSTOMER): I think the soles of these shoes broke.

ALLi: Let me see them. GASP! These are not the official sailor moon collab shoes. These are knock offs! I knew something couldn’t be right. 

(ALLi marches her way back to the kiosk.)

TRANSFORMATION INTERLUDE

ALLi: Shoe prism power, activate! 

(ALLi’s work uniform twists and turns through blue, red, and white silhouettes until she is in full sailor garb. She holds a 10 foot long shoe lace in one hand.)

ALLi: I am sailor shoe. Protector of fashion and justice! Using deception to make sales on counterfeit product is a dirty trick to play on innocent young sailor moon lovers! In the name of the shoe, I’ll punish you.

EMiRALD: I am a servant of FASTFAZION. The energy of all the enthusiastic fashionistas is enough to keep my queen in power for the next ten years! You cannot defeat me.

ALLi: Shoe lace, bunny ears!

(Two bunny ears form in the shoe lace, acting as a lasso flying overtop of EMiRALD.)

EMiRALD: Shoe protectant spray, freeze!

(A mist emerges from EMiRALD’s hands, coating the shoe lace and causing it to fall to the groun.)

EMiRALD: Is that the best you’ve got?

ALLi: I’m just warming up!

(From behind a woman wearing a tuxedo, top hat, and face mask emerges, holding a piece of paper.)

ALLi: WOW! Tuxedo hat are those wedding papers for us? I was hoping we could have an outdoor ceremony first, but this will do! WAIT NO! It must wait! I’ve got justice to serve.

TUXEDO HAT: Actually this is a cease and desist from the mall, not only was there no clearance to start this kiosk, but the selling of counterfeit sailor moon collab shoes is a federal crime. Pack it up, buddy.

EMiRALD: Drat! Foiled again by regulations. This isn’t over Sailor Shoe, I’ll be back.

(EMiRALD along with everything in the kiosk fades away.)

ALLi: You always have the right thing at the right time. What kind of magic are you learning?

TUXEDO HAT: It’s really easy to get this actually. I just went to the front office and told them what was going on and they trusted me to handle it.

ALLi: And you did oh so cute!

(DELiLAH enters barefoot.)

DELiLAH: Oh sailor shoe! Thank you so much. I can’t believe I fell for a scam.

ALLi: We all can be victims to it. It’s important to always question new kiosks selling the same goods as another store.

(KELSi runs down the hallway to meet Sailor Shoe.)

KELSi: Sailor Shoe! Thank goodness you came. Everything has been all amiss, but I have a special surprise for you.

(KELSi pulls out brand new Sailor Moon Collab shoes.)

KELSi: I correctly read then misread an email, but then I cleaned the mascara off the screen and I read it correctly! Our brand new shoes inspired by the cartoon inspired by our real life legend. 

ALLi: They’re able to be sold?

KELSi: Yes! But we only have so many so make sure to pick them up soon!

ALLi: (to DELiLAH) Let’s go to the shoe store together. They have what we want!

END OF EPISODE