My Best Friend Has Three Cats

By Allison Elizabeth

In this house 

We clean our dishes 

Sometimes

We are kind to each other

If we do not make each other mad

We cook fresh food

Unless I walk past a restaurant that looks good

But no matter what

The cats come first

When you first meet Mouse he will undoubtably, unconditionally adore you. His dilated pupils express a constant stream of love as his soft body heats your thighs like the blanket your grandmother got you for Christmas because you can never have too many blankets. He’ll claim your face as he is shoving his forehead into the apple of your cheek, but if you press back he’ll bite. He gives and gives and gives yet does not wish to receive.

AVERY

I read an article that said if you pet cats too long they feel like you’re hurting them.

ME

See he was just communicating with me because I was touching him too much.

AVERY

No he just is evil.

I know him, and I love him, and he is my friend, and he sets his boundaries the only way he knows how. Yet, even when he lets me know he does not want me to touch him he remains on my lap.

ME

I read  an article that said cats lay on you because they want to protect you.

AVERY
He’s just pretending so he can sneak attack.

ME
I think if I just don’t pet him he will stay like this.

Even though I make him upset he still wants to make sure I am safe. 

I wish I had a cat 

But I have so many books 

That I have to read to so many people

That are not at my home

And are allergic to cats

My best friend Avery became my best friend because we went to school together and both liked Tomorrow x Together, and I decided that meant she would be my friend. So, for the first few months we had classes together, whenever she said she was going to get coffee or Korean corn dogs I would follow her without asking. She always talked to me, so figured she didn’t mind. I was right. 

The first time I went to her apartment I put my phone on silent so I could pay full attention to her and her cat, Mouse. I was told about Mouse’s tendency to love and then fight— not quite yet understanding why the loving turned into fighting. After a while of balancing a temperamental kitty and getting to know my new friend, I thought I should check my phone— just in case. I found out because my phone was on silent, my mother had thought I had gone missing and the police were outside of Avery’s apartment looking for a supposedly lost or kidnapped young girl. Avery had to explain the situation to her neighbors and I had to tell the cops I was okay and not kidnapped, just in a new place on the map my Wisconsinite mother didn’t recognize. They asked me how old I was and laughed that I was anything over the age of 7. 

Cat Name Ideas

kiikii

bubblegum

momo

toothpaste

popcorn

trinket

crunchwrap

taki

kitschy

A few years later, Avery moved to a new apartment, and my mother can’t see my location. Everything about this apartment was different from the first. It is much larger and stands above the city and alley where stray cats fight. There are tea pots and water cups and a paper towel holder with repeating images of apples and chickens and angels all fitting so perfectly together as if they were sisters separated at birth. Look in or out– you know where you are. I would often come over for dinner and could hear the cats screaming at one another while we ate salmon on the balcony. One scream was so ear piercing that it hit Avery’s eardrum and catapulted to the side of her brain that made her realize her carefully curated kitchen was missing another kitten. A small tabby cat hid beneath a dumpster outside the apartment and Avery lured in her inside with small bits of meat. I begged her to name it ‘BubblePop’ after the HyunA song. (Yes HyunA is now a disgraced entertainer, but this cat did come from the trash). Avery said this cat was too pretty to have a name like that. She needed something more serious. Names are important. Avery doesn’t even go by her first name. Her mom named her with the intention of Avery going by her middle name. I should have told her to name her cat whatever she wanted and have the middle name be BubblePop so I could call the cat what I wanted to. Her third cat followed that rule perfectly. 

Mister Mister

He is He is

A A

Mister Mister

Rey Rey

To To

Me Me 

I don’t know Mister Mister very well. I know a lot about everything, but not him. I have touched him maybe only once or twice. He is not as soft as his brother and sister, but he is as large. He speaks to me when I am not paying attention. How do I know if that even is true? I do not feed him meat, or put his bow tie on his neck, but I love him unconditionally. If he went to cat school and his assignment was to give me a mouse I would pretend like I haven’t been afraid of rodents my whole life. I always lay my arm out for him to place his head to rest - he never has used it.

Last time I went to Avery’s apartment, we were all gathered in the kitchen. Avery’s partner meowed at Mister Mister and Mister Mister meowed right back. I had no idea he could hold a conversation like that! I wished that the other cats might’ve chimed in. If they all knew to meow together maybe they could form a sort of cat choir. 

I think for the overall good and balance of the world it is best that each cat has its own name and meows only when it wants to. If all the cats were in the choir the sound would drown out Aespa’s new comeback and maybe the next recommended song would be by HyunA, which might be better to avoid.

Graphics by Naliyah Grant