Embracing Your Red Nose + Face Paint

Allison Elizabeth

Embracing Your Red Nose

RANDOM GIRL I BARELY HAVE EVEN SPOKEN TO: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but you’ve got something on your face.

Kiera Davidson

Well of course I hadn’t noticed or else I would’ve removed it! The message in the zoom private chat inspires me to turn back on my self-view. I see myself and notice nothing quite so out of the ordinary. Eyebrow hairs brushed to either side? Check. Cheeks rounder than a pink lady surrounded by honeybees at an apple orchard? Check. Three different shades of red lipstick stacked on top of each other? Check. Eyes wide open with curiosity? Double check! (one for each). Cute-as-a-button-stolen-from-a-lollaloopsy-beauty-is-blind-but-now-i-see… 

um? What the heck is going on? My nose which normally could be packaged in plastic and printed in a christmas catalog is now…red? 

Red as a;

Apple?

Brick?

Cherry?

Fire hydrant?

Stop sign?

Read for my red redder than a rashy radish racing readily rushing the resolve. 

ME AS I EXIST THROUGH A SCREEN: Hi I am having an emergency and urgently call for deserting of this meeting. 

I type.

I click.

I leave. 

I call my mother.

MY MOM AS SOUNDWAVES TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: Send me a picture of what you look like! 

I click. 

I flash.

I send.

whishhhhhhhhhhh.

MY MOM AS PIXELS FORMING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: Soooo I ran this picture though my friend that is an algorithm meant to please me and sell me things FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES!!! And it told me that you are down with something called ‘weirdest girl in the meeting syndrome’ also known as ‘being a total FREAK who will not be able to fit in or make friends.’ 

Oh…great…How did I get this way? My mom would know!

ME AS PIXELS FORMING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: How did I get this way?

Typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot

MY MOM AS PIXELS FORMING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: Sooooo I asked my friend that is a bunch of numbers and stolen artwork told me it was probably from something you did in a past life that predates my existence!!! 

I didn’t even know time existed before my mother!  

ME AS PIXELS FORMING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: Is there a way to fix this?

Typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot typing dot

MY MOM AS PIXELS FORMING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE TRANSFERRED THROUGH LARGE METAL POLES: Soooooo I asked my friend (who- by the way- had to drink- like- seventeen- hundred- gallons of water- to answer this- question-) said you could just cut it off!

WHAT? My button, my button, my cute as a button button, where would it go after it gets sliced? In a mason jar displayed on the shelf of an evil scientist hoping to recreate a freak of nature like myself?  Will Jacob Elordi be nominated for an oscar while wearing my nose as a costume? But will I cry? Goodness maybe! Buttons come, but I’d never thought they’d go. Maybe I can just change the rest of myself to make my nose blend in better.

Dressing like a Cat

I’m not against furries, I’ve just never partaken in the practice. Cats have the most adorable little red button noses. When you press your own nose against there the universe stops moving and for a moment love is real. Transforming to a cat can’t be that hard.

Ears.

Whiskers.

Tail.

I decided to see if my disguise worked by meeting my friend Emily for all-you-can-eat sushi. 

EMILY IN THE SUSHI RESTAURANT: Are you sure you want to eat the entire portion of wasabi with one piece?

ME, MYSELF BUT AS A CAT: Is Wasabi the same as catnip?

EMILY IN THE SUSHI RESTAURANT: No.

ME, MYSELF BUT AS A CAT: sad meow.

EMILY IN THE SUSHI RESTAURANT: It’s a cute costume you’ve got on. Your cute little red nose really ties it all together.

ME, MYSELF BUT AS A CAT: You can still see my red nose?

MISSION FAIL! MISSION FAIL!

I take the soy sauce poured in the little dish in front of me and throw it on my face.

ME, UNSUCESSFULLY DISGUSED AS A CAT: Um, I have to go to the bathroom.

I leave the restaurant in search of another solution.

Polkadots Look Natural if They’re All Over Your Body Right?

I took red paint and one of those sponge brushes that appear only when you most need them. Covering my

Face.

Stomach.

Back.

Buttcheeks.

Legs.

My dress I have on.

My hair.

My teeth.

Every. Single. Toe.

In red polkadots…

Chicken Pox. I look like I have chicken pox that has bled out of my skin onto my clothes. I find the closest and largest body of water (one of the great lakes) and throw myself in.

While in the water I decided to cut my nose off. I would have done it right there and then, but there were no sharp objects, only fish. I let my body relax in order to float to the divide of water and sky, but the fish kept pushing my shoulders further and further down. 

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Ummmm, hey fish? I'm gonna need to breathe pretty soon.

FISH IN THE LAKE: Why?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Because I want to live.

FISH IN THE LAKE: Why?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Because I need to cut my nose off.

FISH IN THE LAKE: You want to live so you can mutilate yourself?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Well when you say it like that it sounds like I’m doing something harmful, but actually I am going to make my life so much better. No one will judge me for having a red nose.

FISH IN THE LAKE: People do that?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Yes. Uh-huh. Definitely. This girl in my zoom class sent me a private message about it.

FISH IN THE LAKE: What’s her name?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Oh okay. Trying to ask me some trick questions? Just because you don’t believe my story doesn’t mean it didn’t happen! 

FISH IN THE LAKE: No, seriously. What is her name?

ME UNDERWATER ALMOST OUT OF OXYGEN: Why would I know something like that?

FISH IN THE LAKE: Well you just care so much about her opinion we thought maybe-

At this point in the story I have passed out so I have no idea what the fish were trying to tell me. What I do know is that my friend Emily was sitting next to me while I laid in a hospital bed. 

ME, DAZED AND CONFUSED: What’s happening? Did I get my surgery?

EMILY IN THE HOSPITAL: No, you passed out and got hypothermia. 

ME, CONCERNED AND COFUSED: Then what does my nose look like?

EMILY IN THE HOSPITAL: Cute as always.

ME, HOPEFUL AND CONFUSED: So it’s not red anymore?

EMILY IN THE HOSPITAL: It’s red as a cherry!

ME, CONFUSED AND CONFUSED: Then it can’t possibly be cute.

EMILY IN THE HOSPITAL: HA! You’re too much even when you’re forcefully locked down to an IV.

Too much. That’s what I am meant to be. That’s what I am. Too much with a cute red nose.

Face Paint

Makeup… who’s ever been able to do it? Isn’t caramel dripping down your chin the only sort of decoration a face could ever desire? 

What is up JELLiverse? Certainly not Little Guy’s time management skills, clown college final is in thirty minutes. He’s been taking up acrobatics (juggling is too hard). Tonight the council of the circus will decide his fate; leave JELLi for his new home on the road, or realize he’s wasted all of his time and money…

STEP 1: BASE

Little Guy, are you eating hot cheetos? His fingers are covered in artificial orange dust. You’ve got to be kidding me?! Little Guy, wipe your hands off! NO! Not on your face! Well, he’s never getting that off. Orange base… is he trying to run for office? I guess that’s where the dropouts of clown school go. Little Guy! Clowns traditionally have a white base face to act as a canvas. Do you have any sort of white paint? Whiteout? From the editing process of Articulate? We didn’t use whiteout, we edited everything digitally. You put it on your computer screen to edit the writing? Little Guy! Is that why you haven’t been liking any of my recent instagram posts? You’re right, that’s a discussion for another time. So your plan is…yup just all over the face. Okay. I mean I guess that works. Oh look at that smile, so, um, pale. Don’t blink, your eyes will get stuck together.

STEP 2: EYES

Clowns like to accentuate their eyes to open their souls to the audience. Direct eye contact is most important because they’re forced to confront that what is happening in front of them is real. Like how I’m being confronted with the fact that Little Guy is crushing up dandelions from the curb to make ‘eyeshadow.’ Looks a little like yellow snow, but hey, it’s spring now! Must just be a me thing…

STEP 3: LIPS

Oh those kissing cherries. Does Little Guy even have lips? Well the logistics of that certainly don’t matter, just look at Little Guy go! Finally he has grabbed something that is real makeup. Beautiful red lip gloss, oh… Oh. Not lip gloss. That’s strawberry jam, and he’s actually not putting it on his lips. He’s eating it and being very messy about it. Little Guy! You need to focus! This final determines everything. What are you going to do when we stop writing this blog post? Wait for the next one? You need a job! As much as you consume art you must also create it! Now is the moment!

STEP 4: NOSE

To become the clown is to put on the mask. The mask being the red nose. The putting on of the mask is a very sacred practice, and must be done facing away from the audience. So, Little Guy, turn away from us now and put on your mask. Before you turn around you must accept the reality that you are no longer yourself, but a clown. The audience should never think you are anything but a clown when the nose is worn. Little Guy, are you ready to turn around?